Crusht

Kevin went back to college Tuesday, and Steff Niessl has five boyfriends, and that is what this post is going to be about.

Today, we're going to list the pros and cons of all of Steff's love interests and all of my love interests and see which ones are best for us. Kind of like Eure did with Disney princesses. All names have been changed.

-STEFF NIESSL-
1.) Drake Marnes
Oh, Drake Marnes. Now, I guess a lot has happened in the past few days, because Steff is now dating Drake Marnes. Do I approve? Heck no. Drake's gums are enormous. He has a thin little upper lip, like a bird, and a whole mouthful of gums. He kind of looks like Butthead and acts like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead, and goes around talking about the dankness of particular nuggz. He's kind of lame, and he's a sophomore. However, I do believe this is a control issue, and the only reason Steff is doing this to me (and, I guess, to herself) is because she can't control anything in her own life and so she needs to control SOMEONE. Maybe she'll get over it. I actually hope so. To be fair, I'll list a few good things about him...uh, he, uh...

2.) Willy Finn
Now, Willy Finn is probably the cutest out of the bachelors. One problem arises, and that is that he's... a freshman. Now, sometimes freshmen are okay, but usually they're struck by that freshman immaturity that pisses me off. He's kind of sketchy, too, but entirely harmless. I know his brother Mike and he's a good guy, their house is nice, their hot tub...a bit gross because of the naked hot tub club. HOWEVER, Willy Finn is a sweet little boy with a nice voice and I approve. I think Steff should be with Willy Finn.

3.) Gill Trofee
God don't even get me started on this b-hole. He lives 6 hours away and seems to feel that he has some sort of claim on Steff. Everytime us ladies try to throw a pants-off dance-off party he keeps Steff up on the phone behind the Christmas tree for like 4 hours. It drives me insane. He's ALSO a freshman, only he's a complete tool. I guess they're fighting, and Steff actually cares, so I'll be nice. But he's a real donkey, and I think she should tell him that. He needs to understand that 1.) he's 12 2.) he lives 6 hours away 3.) that Steff's a grown ass woman and can do what she wants 4.) that he's a whiney little girl 5.) he can't make nasty jokes about her because she doesn't give a crap and 6.) that he lost to Drake Marnes. CRUSHT.
4.) Ike Burra
Awww, Ikey. He's adorable. I really like Ike. He's friendly and cute and funny, he's a sweety. He's a senior though, and so he'll be going to college in a few months. I don't know if Steff does the serious relationship thing, but if she fell for him, he'd leave and that would be a drag. I think most people who are reading this know and like Ike, and hey, everyone should. The only real problem is Steff is too scared to talk to him or touch his butt, and so this relationship won't ever take off. She's with Drake now anyway. But who cares, he doesn't even really count. Anyway, Ike rules, but Steff's a chicken.

Now we'll move on and assess the many loves of...

-THE ICE RASTA-
1.) Devyn Rhymes
Deeeeevyyyyn....Rhyyymessss... I love this kid. He's pretty sweet. He's 6'3, weighs 200lbs, drives a truck, and is pretty much the biggest BAMF ever, in the words of my boy Dane. I like Devyn because he's super manly, really. He can pick me up by my legs and carry me over a mile against my will, bench 250, curl over my body weight, and kill anyone with his bare hands. We also rock out together basically all the time. We brought Dispatch together for a final show because we have magical powers. He carries his keys on a carabiner. We brought Rage back together for a show in LA, we found the cure for cancer, and we rule. We are also in love. The only downside to this one is that Devyn is like 54. Well, there are more downsides, but we'll keep this classy. Devyn wins, flawless victory.

2.) Clam Harish
Oh, Clam. What's there to say about Clam? We met, he's English and has an accent, and I fell in love. He fell in love too, a little more than I did, so I had to tell him to peace out. He asked me to commit to him or something, and I said heck no. Following that incident, I realized he smokes crack, and said heck no. I don't smoke crack. Well I do but only sometimes. He does basically all the time. I'd be rocking out, he'd be smoking rocks, and that just doesn't work for me. He also just told me a story about having a party with 15-20 people and only knocking out a thirty-six pack and a bottle of Captain. I told him he was a wuss. He should have taken down 13 eighteens and a bottle of Medouri. What a girl. Clam loses.

3.) The Goof
Oh, The Goof. What a weird ass. I don't even know why he's on this list since half the time I hate him and half the time I think he's funny looking. Well scratch that, he's funny looking all the time. I go through stages where I either hate the Goof or love him, and I guess right now I love him so I'll write about him. I love the Goof because well, he's a goof and that's all there is to it. He's albino and has funny hair. He's cute in that lab rat sort of way, and because he's hilarious and awkward. I hope he doesn't fall in love with me though, that would be gross.

4.) Tristan Mousley
Tristan's pretty cute, and kind of manly as well. Devyn wants to challenge him to an arm wrestle, but it wouldn't really be much of a contest. I'd still like to see it, though. The thing about Tristan is he's kind of a wang and entirely mediocre. I met him through a friend, and now he treats that friend like crap so we basically severed all ties. That, and the fact that he was a rebound. But that's niether here nor there. Tristan's cute, and he's kinda funny, but other than that he just sucks. I haven't talked to him in over a month, either, and the fact that I have no desire to pretty much means nothing good will come out of this one. Sorry, duuuude.

THE WINNERS:

LO AND BEHOLD, WE HAVE OURSELVES SOME WINNERS!
Steff belongs with Willy Finn, and I should be in love with Devyn Rhymes. Which I am. Steff messed up though, but she knows that. The funny thing is, Willy's brother is Devyn's age, so it'd be like me and Steff (same age) dating brothers who are...35 years apart. Cute! I rule.

Steff, listen to me. I love you.

Mega Millions

"So if you win $175 million in the lottery, what do you DO the next day?"
"Put it in the bank. But in like ten seperate banks. Because if one burns down or gets robbed, you're only insured up to $150 thousand."
"You uhh, rock out."
"Bury it."

YOUR ANGER IS A GIFT!

Things that make me mad number one:

The first thing (or things, rather) on the list of things I hate because they make me mad is G- and J- Bart. (Shout out to my boy A POPE right there). I'm going to group them as a single entity because they hate that, and I hate them. They are twins, so basically, they are one person and don't deserve to be acknowledged seperately, because I hate them.

Now the reason I hate these...creatures... is because they are snooty beasts of girls. They are funny looking. They also stick their dirty snouts into other people's business. I hate that, and I hate G- and J-.

Now, the more detailed reason as to why I hate them so much stems from me being good looking. They are mad because I am good looking and because Kev is good looking and together, we win the championship trophy for being good looking.

Actually, according to G- and J-, Kev and I are "superficial and egotistical." Erroneous. By God, ERRONEOUS.

This chaps my ass so much because first off, I've met G- and J- once in my life, and ran into G- one other time where I was trying to visit Nicky Stano. Kev only hangs out with them because he's playing wingman, and regardless, he's only seen them a total of three times as well. Now I don't know how you all fly, but usually, the wingman's involvement in the pilot's business is minimal. So why do these swamp donkeys feel the need to involve themselves in our personal lives?

To delve deeper into my anger, these girls bring up issues (again, ones they have no place discussing) and pull the whole "Eeeeh, I don't know if I should tell you, you're going to get mad...." thing, and then once they are pushed to reveal an opinion with no solid foundation because, well, THEY BROUGHT IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, they sit and cry when they get a reaction. The response came from Kevin, obviously, who is far calmer than I, and so it was in my opinion entirely too mild. Despite the fact that he was nice about it, these twelve-year-old idiots decide that they are angry with him for disagreeing and elect to blame Kev for "allowing them to say something that would cause strife between...anyone". Grow up, Peter Pan.

Kev, like always, decided that the best thing to do would be to sit down with Nick, G-, and J- and talk about it. Have a little 'feelings circle', if you will. I told him I felt the best thing to do in this scenario is to just dish out shining wizards. Even a scissor kick to the back of the head would suffice.

Why are these cretins so despicable? Why are they so lowly? Why are they so pathetic? Why do they wallow in self-pity? Why are they so... lame?

The answer is, clearly, that they are jealous that they are impish and weird looking, and Kevin and I are godly in both appearance and ability to kick ass.

They manage to piss me off nonetheless.

They crawl around in the lowest levels of gossip and deceit, involving themselves in the lives of people they hardly know. Aren't they in college? Haven't they been out of 6th grade for...seven years? I think they have! Maybe they're upset that they look like they're still IN sixth grade. Either way, I'm not going to rationalize or justify their actions. To reiterate, I hate them.

J- also goes tanning and dyes her hair black. What a tool. That just puts the icing on the cake.
G- has a fourteen-foot-tall moral high horse that she needs a ladder to climb on top of, all the while ensnaring our friend Nicky in a bear trap of manipulation. Let it be known that Nicky Stano is incapable of gnawing off his own leg to save his life.
BTW, they're Kennedy girls. 'Nuff said.


UPDATE FROM HOME FTW.

I like ruining people's lives, too.

I wish this thing wasn't for school, because then I could post a sweet AOL conversation on here. The conversation which inspired this post.

I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE. I'll update this later because I'm busy cuddling with Kevin Grimes right now. KTHXBAI

What's up dudes?

BLOG NUMBER ONE: M-Dog's introduction.
I'm in a class. A media studies one. We're blogging?
I get to write about anything I want, which will probably be how much I hate/love everything, or how much I rule. As much as I'd like to sit and complain (just because I can), I've decided to maintain a healthy balance and counter things I hate with things I looooove.

Well, maybe.

If I feel like it.


Anywho, before I begin, I will include a list of important things everyone should know about me:

1. I am incredibly good looking, and everything I say is 100% correct.

That's it.

GAME. BLOUSES.